Uncontained: Finding Myself in a Pandemic

It has taken a couple weeks to assess and understand how I’m feeling in the midst of the pandemic.

As an empath, I feel like some part of myself just went into overload and hasn’t known what, how, or when to feel these past few weeks, let alone energetically separate out what my emotions are verses others.

I suppose that’s why I’m feeling such a deep need to return to myself at this time and anchor into my inner guidance and spiritual connection in as many ways as I can.

The earth is resting and healing itself as so much of the world stays indoors. Maybe it’s okay to do the same. Perhaps Nature is teaching us something.

I keep pondering the symbolism of living in a time where we have a virus attacking the lungs and respiratory system, yet due to the quarantine the earth is breathing again in bigger ways.

Maybe I’m like the earth trying to breathe in bigger ways.

Lately, I’ve been feeling the urge to live more uncontained. More myself. Which I find confusing, to be honest, because I feel like I’ve been living my truth as authentically as I know how.

However, I’m coming to see that truth is a living, breathing entity, which seeks to keep evolving, growing and freeing itself.

Perhaps what we know to be true for ourselves last month, might not hold as true this month. Perhaps with the forced change occurring on our planet at this point in time, the direction I was going last month is no longer the truest direction for me now.

Perhaps that is why I feel the need to dissolve for a while. Instead of trying to hang onto my identity in this, I feel the urge to loosen my grip, and allow it to shift as my understanding of myself shifts.

I struggled initially to find my role in these present times. I kept wondering if I should be stepping up, leading and offering coping tools, words on grief, spiritual inspiration, and advice for caring for our tired hearts. I’ve done a bit of all of the above, but only when I’ve felt called to do so.

Mostly I feel a pull to step back. To be messy and broken and allow myself to go through a transformation process. To be real. To be authentic. To be vulnerable. To stay in my heart. To write about it.

Maybe that is my offering right now: Being Real. Putting language to emotional landscapes and soulful terrains that can be hard to name.

Stepping back from interpreting this experience for others. Instead, delving into my experience and using my words to offer my interpretation of self, which may reflect back a piece of somebody else’s journey as well.

Breathing, resting and being like the earth.

Embracing the paradox that during a time where we are asked to stay indoors, I’m delving into what it means to live Unmanaged. Unrestrained. Uncontained.